The C Word
by Human Emotions
Summary: Old title: My friend Kairi. I'm continuing this, because cancer sucks ass. Namine and Kairi and best friends. And Kairi has cancer. And this isn't fair.
1. Letters

It was precisely 7:46 PM. Namine had just taken a shower and was dressed in pajamas as she wasn't going anywhere and nobody was coming to her.

She sat cross-legged in the desk chair in front of her computer. She clicked the Start button and then Blank Word Document.

Three minutes had passed before she wrote:

_My friend Kairi does not deserve to die._

_She is sixteen and going into tenth grade this year. I believe she is still a virgin, but we don't talk about those things very much._

_I know she shared her first kiss with a boy named Sora three years ago, but he moved away last month. She is very upset about that, because he is not here when she needs him the most._

_Kairi has cancer. Throat cancer, to be exact. Chemotherapy is not helping very much at all, and she is tired and in pain most of the time. _

_She is the nicest girl I have ever met, even more so than myself. She has one pet dog named Sushi - don't ask me why she named him that. Sushi likes to sleep in her bed with her, no matter how she is feeling that night. _

_Kairi's parents are an "emotional wreck," or so my big brother Roxas says. He is about as close to Kairi as I am, but he doesn't consider himself her "friend," at least not in front of the boys in his grade. He is eighteen as of three weeks ago._

_I don't know very much about throat cancer, and Kairi doesn't like to talk about it. Whenever I ask, she just looks down at her homework or her dog or does her chores. She usually mumbles something that I don't hear. But she will never walk away from me or hang up on me or snap at me. _

_I spend a lot of time at Kairi. I know her better than her parents do - which isn't unusual. Her parents were divorced when Kairi and I were nine years old. They don't pay much attention to their daughter, unless they are sobbing on her shoulder._

_Kairi doesn't cry in front of other people. I have only seen her cry twice. Once in first grade when Sora pushed her onto the ground, and when she first found out she had cancer. She doesn't understand the point of happy tears, like when I cried on her birthday this year because she was still alive. The doctors didn't think she would make it._

_She is the most wonderful girl on the entire planet._

_My friend Kairi does not deserve to die._

Namine managed to let a few stray tears glide down her face before she closed the word document without saving it.

She sent a text message to Kairi later that evening saying, "Another day, and you're still alive. Hang in there, Kairi. We love you." Her brother looked over her shoulder while she typed it, and walked back to his bedroom as soon as the screen read "Message Sent."

Namine could hear nothing but her own breathing for a few minutes, and then a loud thud. She walked back to her bedroom and went to sleep early that night.

Namine tapped softly on her brother's door with her knuckles at 9:12 the next morning. He mumbled, "Come in," and she did so. Her eyes soared to a dent in the wall and she sat beside her older brother. "Put yo' fist through the drywall?" she asked jokingly. He looked away, not in the mood.

"Life sucks," Namine thought aloud.

"Life is alright. What really sucks is cancer."


	2. Poison

"I'm scared.""I know. I am, too."

"When are you coming to visit?""I don't know, Kai. Soon."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I…"

The sound was muffled. I brought my phone down and looked at the screen to make sure we were still connected.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I have to go now. We're at the hospital.""Okay. I love you. Be strong."

We hung up simultaneously.

This is what we have to live with. This is what life is like when your best friend has cancer and she lives a thousand miles away. When you cannot touch her, or hug her, or hold her hand. You cannot actually see how fragile she is.

Pictures, sure. You can see pictures of her. Her hair, now almost an inch long after it's been growing back. Her ribs, starting to poke out. You can hear her grumbles in the morning over the phone. You can Google chemotherapy. How it works. How they pump poison into her veins.

And you can cry with her. And pray. And cry some more. And she will not get better very quickly at all. So you just cry and cry and cry.

"Is Kai.. Kairi awake yet?" I say into my cell phone, speaking with her mother.

"No, I'm afraid not. I'd wake her, but we just got home about an hour ago and you know how she can't sleep in the car…""Oh. Right. Well, I'll call back in a little while."

I hung up without saying goodbye. Without waiting for goodbye. I couldn't take it. I wanted my best friend in my arms. I wanted her to be healthy. Hell, I'd take cancer if it meant she was healthy.

(A/N: Oh my gods. I just spaced out after the first two parts. I'm sorry. I'll do better next time.)


End file.
